Post by The Master on Apr 24, 2017 22:34:39 GMT
Aurora
1
I was leaving out of the record store, pretty happy with my newest acquisitions. I finally managed to grab Holy Money by Swans, the same band I had picked for our theme song, I also got two nice vinyls of “The Tired Sounds of The Stars of The Lid”, one, obviously, for me, the other for Moonlight, since it was her favorite band. I also had grabbed a bunch of other random albums that I found cheap. It was when I stepped outside that I heard him, he was playing a really nice song on his guitar, mellow, but nonetheless aggressive. It sounded familiar, but I couldn’t really point out what it was, only later would it dawn on me that I had played a very similar riff once upon a time in a concert.
He was standing outside, his long light brown hair covering most of his face, giving him a mysterious aura, his beard was somewhat big, but not too big, and he was looking at his acoustic guitar, not caring about the people passing by, just focused on his guitar as if he was playing his song for no one else but himself. Maybe he was. I liked the tune so much that I grabbed a coin and approached him to give it.
“Nice song you’re playing. And believe me pal, I don’t say this to ever-” I stopped mid-sentence. When his blue eyes locked on mine I realized just who he was. Now I was wondering how the fuck did I not noticed before, but I guess I had never seen him with hair or beard that long. “Joshua?” I asked, or at least I think I did. I’d like to think that I controlled myself then, but I know I didn’t. My legs shook, my arms shook and, even though I couldn’t confirm it, I’m pretty sure I was pale as a wall. The coin dropped from my hand and he graciously caught it before it touched the ground. He looked at the 1 pound coin and then at me.
“Leave.” he said, putting the coin back in my hand. I grabbed it and nodded, leaving as quick as possible.
2
The steps echoed loudly inside the long empty hallways. Sometimes I wondered why did I bought a mansion. I mean, I bought it because I could, there was nothing more than that... But it was during these days, when my family wasn’t here or Katherine, or even the cleaning ladies... And Jason wasn’t coming anytime soon either now that we broke up. So all this space just for me. It made me feel rich.
It made me feel lonely.
I looked at the yellow cover of “The Tired Sound s of Stars of the Lid” for a second, then I got my copy out of the plastic and looked inside. It had three LPs so I just grabbed the first one and put it on the vinyl player. The static relaxation of Side A started playing. “Requiem for Dying Mothers, Part 1” the booklet noted as the first song.
I laid in my bed, hearing the minimalist noise as it blend with the house and my thoughts and my loneliness and I noticed my mind drifting to memories long gone. Strangely enough, not the ones that I would expect after meeting Joshua.
3
“You have visits.” The doctor tried to say to my sister, but neither I nor Dawn cared to let him finish before bursting into the room. My sister looked at us and forced a smile. I’m sure now that she didn’t want us to see her in that state. Her normally painted purple hair was now blond, but not the blond that she used to have, not the blond that we all have, no, more of a white if anything. Her eyes showed a tired gaze, and the beauty of her blue eyes was starting to fade. She was never the thickest of girls, but her skin now seemed glued to the incredibly and frighteningly noticeable bones. She looked more like Death now than she ever did during all those years dressing up for Halloween.
“Hey, you two!” she said loudly and cheerfully before immediately being sucked out of her happiness by an cough attack. “Bollocks to this” she said when she finally stopped, clearly annoyed at herself.
“Hello Nightfall...” I said, simply looking at her. Dawn jumped on her, which made me wince, she looked too fragile for someone to be jumping on her, even if it was just a 9 year old. But Nightfall hold and hugged her back seemingly not hurt by her younger sister.
“Hey hey! Nighty! How are you?” Dawn asked.
“Bad, I guess... I don’t know. I’m always bad.” she said, with a smile on her face. “Everything alright, Rory?”
“No.” I couldn’t look at her in the eyes, so I focused on the ground. “Mom’s been crying all day and I heard the doctors, you know? I know.”
She smile and pat my head.
“Of course you know. I know, we all knew, we just didn’t want to believe it. I’m going to die one day, and it’s going to be sooner rather than later.”
“That’s unfair.”
“I don’t think it is. People with my condition generally die within their first year of life. I lived 15 years past what I should have.”
“I know, you keep saying that. It’s just an excuse...”
“It’s not.”
“It is.”
“It’s not!”
“It is!”
“IT’S NOT!”
“YES! YES, IT IS!”
“SHUT UP! YOU DON’T KNOW HOW I FEEL!” I jumped back when she screamed, I was not expecting someone in that state to shout as loud as she did. Soon, the smile disappeared and was replaced with small tears. “No one knows, you keep going around saying I’m going to be fine and that you don’t want me to die... You think I do? You think I want to die?! No, no I don’t. So yeah, you know what, it IS an excuse to make all of you feel better when I die, because I don’t want you all thinking that I left sad, I don’t want you to feel guilty, but I’m fifteen, of course I want to live more, I want to travel, and I wanna see the world. I wanna go to Mexico and to South Africa. I wanna read more books and watch more films. I wanna see you grow up and see all you three end up being. I wanna marry and I wanna have kids and name them Aragorn and Arwen... or some other stupid name, I don’t know. I wanna grow up and be old enough to make a tattoo and have a piercing. I wanna be allowed to swear, I want to so fucking much... I don’t want to die, but I’m going to...” She shook her head, now completely wet. “I don’t want to die...”
When she finished all of us fell into silence for a couple seconds, until I broke it.
“No.” I said, finally raising my head to look with blue eyes into hers. “Survive this night, please, and survive this week and survive this year and survive just a little bit more. I’m a genius! I’m super smart right? So I’m going to find a cure, you lived for 15 years past what you should, you can live for 15 more.”
“Yeah, I’m going to grow up and be a doctor and us three will find a cure for your illness!” Dawn said, hugging her tightly.
“I promise we’re going to find a cure and you’ll live to grow old and do all those things, okay?”
She nodded and that was when the doctors arrived to tell us the time was over, to come back tomorrow. We didn’t. And that night we all broke our promises.
4
I put the second LP on the vinyl player and jumped back in bed.
I wish I could tell you that Nightfall’s last words were “I love you” or something incredibly profound. I wish I could tell you that Nightfall died smiling, just like she lived.
But her last words were “I don’t want to die...” and she died crying.
I wish I could tell you that Dawn and I did our best to find a cure, but that’s not how it is, we just moved on. If she died why would we bother to find a cure? Dawn did end up being a doctor, but I guess for her that was just something she did without much thought put into it.
But I guess that’s reality, books and movies and music they all romanticize death, but death is just ugly and sad and devoid of romance. It’s just pure and cruel.
I looked at the guitar on top of my bed, and then to the photograph on the wall. That photo should be about 10 year old by now... It showed me with my blue hair phase, holding my guitar, dressed like the little punk I was... I am. Katherine was sitting behind us, on top of her drumset, legs wide open, cheekily showing her panties to the camera, her long dark curly hair covering her face. In front of us was the short, chubby Sarah, looking proudly to the camera, like she always did in photos. That proud smile hurt more than anything else nowadays. And on the opposite side of me laid him, holding his bass guitar, and smoking his cigar, with a hint of the beard he would have so many years later... Joshua.
That day I pondered removing that photograph from the wall, but I didn’t. Ultimately I wasn’t ready to move on. I told myself one day I would be, knowingly that probably I wouldn’t. I remember thinking to myself, looking at Sarah’s smile that death had given me so much pain, but that it probably wasn’t over yet. And I was right, the worst was yet to come.
The second LP ended. I didn’t bother putting the third.
