Bell & Hammers v NME

[UKWF]

Post your RPs for the match below. 3 RP cap per side, max. 1 RP per character, max. 500 words per RP.

[Hammerstein]

Hammerstein sits at one of the outdoor venues at the Medway Sports Park, watching a group of kids play soccer. He smiles as the children run and laugh and play.

Ya know, when I was a kid in high school, I played varsity football, American football dat is, fo da Meridian Wildcats. Nah, I didn't play quarterback. I was a big kid and I didn't have much of da coordination, so I played….well ta be honest I played end, guard, and tackle. I sat at da end of da bench, I guarded da water cooler, and I tackled anybody dat got too close to it.

I know, bad joke.

Anyway, one Friday night was da biggest game of da year. We was playing our cross-town rivals, da Northeast Lauderdale Trojans. Man, we HATED each udder. Every year our schools played it was da same damn ting. We’d beat em, den dey would vandalize our bus or our school, or sumpin. My senior year wouldn’t no different. Every udder play, da refs were havin ta pull us apart. Anyway, we won da game 34-28. So we get our stuff tagether and head ta da bus. And, wouldn't ya know, dem Trojans slashed all da tires and busted all da windows on our bus. Dem boys couldn't just take da ‘L’ and move on. Cause dey couldn’t get da win when it mattered, bustin up da bus was dey way of winnin.

Sound familiar?

So, right dere in da school parkin lot, we had a rematch, except instead a throwin da football, we threw da hands, baby. And, well, we won den too.

My point is dis. New Management Enforcers, dey comes a time when ya just gotta cut yo losses and move on. See, since I first came here, I been whippin y'all's asses, but y'all feel da need ta up da ante. So y'all attack people, cause maybe it gives y'all a little bit of y'all's swagger back. Den y'all get back in da ring wit me and my friends and da Hammer whoops dat ass again. So, y'all get a lead pipe and y'all lay us out. Den y'all ruin what should been MJ Bell’s crownin glory and y'all lay her and my buddy Blaise Fader out.

So now here we are again. Dis time it's Da Jewish Hammers teaming up wit da Champ, and we goin against Arcane, Hunter Storms, Cross Recoba.

New Management Enforcers, I dunno how much da UKWF is paying y'all, but dey spending lots a money fo me ta come all dis way just ta whoop y'all's asses. And wit my main man, my brutha from anutha eema, Da Jew Blazer and Da Champ, da lovely and talented MJ Bell, we gonna rain down some heavy duty ass whoopin on da New Management Enforcers.

Tuesday March da 28th, at da Medway Park Sports Hall, Fallout….New Management Enforcers…. I hope y'all ready, cause Bell and da Hammers are comin ta get ya!

[The Jew Blazer]

THE JEW BLAZER
Boars Soccer

“Hi friend!” The Jew Blazer says to a homeless guy laying out in front of his apartment. He bolts up in surprise.

“Whadda you want....you bedazzled fairy.” The Homeless man says. The Blazer picks up his pomeranian, Phorry.

“I'd be pleased as punch if you'd move just a bit so I could get into my apartment!” The Blazer says with a smile.

“Fuck you.” The man responds. The Blazer frowns.

“No need for that language, fella. I just want to get into my place. I've got a tired and hungry pupper here.” The Blazer says.

“Looks more like a rat to me.” The man says. Phorry growls.

“Now now Phorry... we're superheroes. That means we have to set an example. Do you need any money for a warm meal sir?” The Blazer asks as he sets Phorry down to take his wallet out.

“Gimme yer whole wallet.” The man asks. He takes out a pocket knife but is swiftly hit with a Chutzpah Boot. Phorry gives him a look.

“Well...there is a time to stop being nice....just for a moment.” The Blazer says. He stuffs twenty bucks in the mans jacket pocket and goes inside.

____________________________ 

Foreword: I have decided for no reason that effective immediately, I will be referring to Cross Recoba entirely in anagram form. I certainly hope that 'Scarce Boors' does not mind this. Yar Har. Fiddle-dee-dee.

“You know, it's typical of supervillains to not know when they're beat. It's typically a pride thing. Hi, my name is The Jew Blazer. I and my tag partner hold two wins over the New Management Enforcers now and are about to be told by them that we just got lucky again. 'Car Sob Cores' will of course say something snooty and dismiss us but he'll fail to weight the importance of the fact that the last few times we beat them? We didn;t have the UKWF World Champion on our side. So, spoiler alert... we're gunna win this one. We've had your number from jump street and any of you who doubts it needs to join us in reality. Also, you were just told to join reality by a guy skinny Jewish guy who dresses like a superhero. This should be a profound moment of clarity for you.” The Jew Blazer says with a flutter of his cape.

“Hammerstein is a real mentsh. MJ Bell is one talented shiksa, and I may look a little funny but I'm no schmuck. You'd be hard pressed to make a more capable three-person team in UKWF. I mean, I'm not saying it's impossible but we pretty much have every base covered.” The Jew Blazer says.

“So let's have us one more fight, fellas. Hammerstein and I can squeeze you in one more time before we go after tag gold. Time for some Thrilling Heroics!” The Blazer says before we fade to black.

[Arcane]

Just moments after Anniversary of Aggression, Arcane storms into the NME dressing room. He sends a folded chair flying and then slumps to the floor.

Stella: Is there a problem here?

Arcane: You're damn right there's a problem - we were humiliated out there!

Stella: Well I'm glad you see the severity of the situation.

Arcane: I'm doing everything I can but if the rest of the lads can't be disciplined enough to -

Stella: Leaders take more blame, less credit. YOU have to galvanize NME.

Arcane: I've chaired countless strategy briefings -

Stella: You need to show them how it's done. Lead by example, darling.

---------------------

Now lurking in the shadows of the Medway Park Sports Hall, Arcane deftly lights a cigarette.

Arcane: While you speak gibberish, Hammerstein, I've managed to decipher that assessment of NME.

Let me explain something to you: NME represents your employer, acting in the best interests of the UKWF. We don't pursue these matches against the Hammers for some playground rivalry. This ain't your little league; we're not taking our ball home because you caught us slipping. We're professionals, and I know an unintelligible hick can't relate to that ethos, but try to broaden your palette - try to better yourself.

I did... I used to be like you. Not a boorish imbecile but certainly ignorant. I ignored advice, shunned authority and walked my own path in life. Sure, I made some easy money, screwed some pretty girls, but where did it all end? Prison. I had tunnel vision, never stopping to realize how much easier it would be if I worked FOR the system, rather than against it. It's the same here - resistance to NME will ultimately prove futile.

He shrugs his shoulders with a heavy sigh, knowing his words will fall on deaf ears.

Arcane: But you're a know-it-all without the answers, so you'll have to learn the hard way - just like I did. Before Anniversary of Aggression, I said NME owed you and Blazer a receipt for your actions, well now it's doubled and that's a high price to pay. I will do whatever necessary to ensure that happens at Fallout, whether it's before, during or after the match. One way or another, the system always gets you in the end.

Speaking of which, I've beaten you before, MJ Bell, and I'll do it again - when it really matters to you. You might skip round with the belt on your arm but you don't carry yourself like a champion. You puff your chest out and make some bold claims, but I hear the stammer in your voice. You know your days are numbered...

It's not a matter of if but WHEN... when I put you in the hospital ward with Juliet, when I become champion.

He closes his eyes for a second then looks back with a piercing glare.

Arcane: But first, watch me personally end the laughter round here. NME has 2 losses to these clowns? That's the real joke.

[Hunter Storms]

“These past few weeks haven't been easy for us Enforcers. We got some internal conflict going, we're losing to bozos, Cross is probably still mulling over his break up, but we still have a duty dammit. We were born to for greatness, and now we're being made idiots in the ring with losses to those two idiots who call themselves The Hammers. It's an absolute outrage if you ask me and frankly, I'm afraid we're gonna be out of favor at this rate with Stella if we lose to them for a third straight time. That's unacceptable. First time was a fluke, and the second one......let's just pretend it didn't happen. We've had our fair share of miscues, but this won't continue after this Tuesday. Us Enforcers are now constantly kicking ourselves over our failures and you snobs are reveling in every minute of it. Must I remind you of what we did to those poor bastards post match?”



Storms chuckles to himself.



“Or even the fact that we completely battered the company's newest champion? Don't think I forgot about you there MJ Bell, and I doubt that you have complete forgotten about the Enforcers. I mean, how could you forget? We pretty much beat you into unconsciousness and then we called it a night. That's how we should be rolling, but being a rough patch means little traction and we're not proceeding as planned.”



He lets out a long winded sigh.



“Anniversary of Aggression should've marked a new era for NME, but as seen and heard, we didn't get our way.......ah, but no matter because who doesn't love even more chances to beat the shit out of the people once more am I right? The fallout from all of this just means we get to try and knock some teeth out once more because at Fallout, that's what will and should've happened in the previous encounters. We're not hear to be outsmarted and outwrestled by punks, we're here to conquer and claim what is rightfully ours and that's this entire company. One day all of you will be bending the knee to us and you will be chanting our names not out of spite, but out of respect because those who don't respect us.......well, just take a look at what happened to Juliet Black.”



Storms shows off a cocky grin.



“Hammers, I could say I like you, but that idiotic energy that surrounds you too just makes me uncomfortable and nauseous. How can you be so energetic and happy in the face of your impending doom? I'd be quaking in my boots if I were you because as the saying goes, 'Third time's the charm,' and I'll see to it that the old saying proves true at Fallout. Enough games because by the end of Fallout you Hammers and MJ will be hammered, and not in a good way, ya feel me?”



He laughs to himself before walking out of the shot.